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You Asked: The How and Why I Lost 30 Kilos of Body Weight… It’s Almost Definitely Not What You Think.

Many people have been commenting on and asking me about my weight loss. People in town in the shops I regularly visit. People who haven’t seen me for a while. Friends who’ve noticed things changing in the photos that I post to Instagram or Facebook. And they have a lot of questions. The funny thing is that I have been losing weight steadily for 7 years now but people have only recently begun to get whiplash when they see me.

Essentially, they want to know how I lost the weight. So, I’ve written a comprehensive answer, because it’s not been an easy question to respond to in one line while standing in the checkout queue at IGA.

For me, it’s not terribly interesting that I have shed weight; the far more interesting question is about how the extra weight got there in the first place. I think people probably have a narrow judgement about that, presuming it was from too much food, lack of exercise and a sedentary job. The more interesting answer, though, is that at no time have I consciously changed my diet (either while gaining weight or while losing it), nor have I ever embarked on a new exercise routine to lose weight. Nope, none of that.

I am someone who experienced two miserable, painful, crushing years of disordered eating and, once through it and out the other side, I have never once allowed myself to manipulate food or exercise for any specific weight-related purpose. I cannot do it. I will not do it. It’s like being a recovered addict, I guess. I simply cannot ever go back to anything that resembles food/exercise control, portion sizes, calorie counting, weigh-ins, tape measures or anything like that. For me, diet culture and weight fixation is triggering and deeply uncomfortable. I am always interested in a loved one’s health, of course, but not the perseveration over ‘weight’.

Okay, back to me. What has actually happened? (You can scroll to the bottom for the TLDR section if you don’t like details.)

Well, this goes back a long way (more than thirty years), back to when I was fifteen. That was the year my autoimmune disease began. It’s called ankylosing spondylitis. Like all autoimmune conditions, it’s rather nasty. Its aim is to “remodel” my spine, which means: damage it, break it down, inflame it, fuse it where it shouldn’t be fused, grow bits where there shouldn’t be bits, cause terrible sciatica, fuse the sacroiliac joints… and for kicks and giggles it expands its territory to include other joints and soft tissues as well. Because medical ‘experts’ used to believe that women didn’t get ankylosing spondylitis (gosh… that gender prejudice is an exhausting and repetitive tale of medical woe), I was dismissed. I was gaslighted by doctors for years, told I must simply be depressed, signed up for thousands of dollars of ‘essential wellness’ tools, or told by new age healers that I had chosen this for myself and only I could make the choice to be well.

Sigh…

Then, at forty years of age, a good (female) GP referred me to a different (female) rheumatologist who quickly realised what was going on. Scans were ordered and by now, the damage to my spine from a quarter of a century of this rampantly unchecked autoimmune disease was so irrefutable that I finally received a correct diagnosis and, importantly, the correct medication.

You see, because I had never been diagnosed correctly, over the decades, I had been given all manner of pain modulating medication which, you guessed it, made me put on loads of weight. One of those medications took me four months to wean myself from due to the horrendous withdrawal side effects. It was a nightmare.

Now, The Too-Long-Don’t-Read (TLDR) Summary of My 30kg Weight Loss Story

  1. I had a serious auto-immune condition that started when I was 15 but I was misdiagnosed for 25 years.
  2. In those 25 years, I required more and more pain medication to control the damage that was being done to my spine and body. These medications made me put on weight, made me dopey and sleepy and messed with my brain.
  3. At 40 years of age, I finally got the correct diagnosis and importantly the correct medication. This (practically magical) fortnightly injection does not make me put on weight and it improves my spine function and mobility so I can be naturally more active.
  4. When I stopped taking the wrong medication, I began to lose weight, with no specific intention (because I refuse to ever again be controlled by thoughts of weight and weight loss). I lost roughly a 1kg a month consistently for over a year.
  5. Interestingly, for a while after discovering I am neurodivergent, I lost more weight (again, at about 1kg a month) for some time. I have no explanation for this but (half) jokingly refer to it as my ‘Autistic weight loss’, perhaps the result of shedding decades of pain and shame from not knowing my true self. You never know…
  6. Things got twisty again last year when, for several months, I lost my appetite and couldn’t look at food and felt like I had morning sickness all the time and generally just felt I couldn’t cope. I was also hysterically thirsty (I literally couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t swallow!) and exhausted and I was dropping weight. I had tests to rule out diabetes, iron deficiency and liver function, which were all normal. Both myself and and the GP put it down to the side effects from having started ADHD medication. But we were wrong.
  7. When I saw a different GP about these symptoms (as I was worried no one was taking them seriously enough), she suggested trialling low-dose hormone therapy… and just like magic, all those symptoms went away.
  8. I have been eating as usual now since December last year (I no longer feel sick and am not ridiculously thirsty) and my weight has been stable for months now.

That’s it in a nutshell.

You asked… I’ve answered.

Jo X

(P.S. I have deliberately not provided before and after pics because, as stated, that kind of culture makes me feel queasy and triggers parts of me I’d rather not invoke.)

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How To: The Pathways to an Adult ADHD Diagnosis

I often get asked how to get an ADHD diagnosis in Australia so I put some info together here that might be helpful. Firstly, this is serious stuff. It needs attention. And you deserve help. You do not need to struggle every day, wondering how you can be so well educated and capable in some ways, and yet able to roll over in bed, pulling up the blankets, only to lose your grip and punch yourself in the face, making your lip bleed. Yes, I’m just that talented. (Just wait till you get to the bit about my car.)

Honestly, after my identification as Autistic I really didn’t think I could be taken by surprise again but then along came an ADHD diagnosis. Never in a million years would I have thought I was ADHD because, just like with Autism, we’ve all been fed a narrow stereotype of what ADHD looks look. You know, the kid (a boy) in the classroom that can’t sit still, can’t stop talking, causes trouble, gets suspended etc. But as one of my diagnosticians said to me, if you think of the cast of Winnie the Pooh, everyone can recognise Tigger as the ADHD one, yet it’s more helpful if you realise that EVERY character in Winnie the Pooh is ADHD… yes, even Eeyore.

The medical community is playing a massive game of catch up right now. For nearly a century, the narrow view of what ADHD looks like has left behind girls and women, people of colour and gender diverse individuals. This is why we are now seeing a sharp rise in ADHD (and Autism) diagnoses: there is a huge backlog of work to get through. As an aside, there is a HUGE overlap between Autism and ADHD. You might like to check out the rather fabulous Megan Neff’s posts on Instagram. She shares a ton of info that you will likely find helpful if you’re querying your neurodivergence.

I shared a post a while back on SOME of the ways ADHD was playing out in my life, without me or anyone else realising it (until my husband started saying, ‘I think you’re ADHD’, and I was like… What? No, I’m not! You are! LOL. That’s funny because he is ADHD. He got his diagnosis first and after many months of getting treatment and learning about it he was able to recognise it in me. (And I am SO grateful.) But as is so common, he presents in a very classic (i.e. stereotypical) ADHD way: he talks fast and all the time, he has energy to burn, he loses his keys almost every day, he cannot sit still… etc. As for me, I wasn’t so obvious. However, after my hubby started telling me that fatigue could well be my signature feature of ADHD, I sat up and listened. Fatigue?! Isn’t that the opposite of what ADHD looks like? And there’s the problem. The stereotypes of Tigger have left everyone else behind, especially those of us who might look like more like Eeyore.

ADHD can look very different on different people. The way it looks on me is very different to my husband and could be very different on you too. It’s tricky!

Okay, so you’re thinking you might be ADHD. What do you do? Here are some things to know.

  1. You’re going to need to get a referral from your GP to a psychiatrist. Psychiatrists are the only ones authorised to issue ADHD medication to adults in the first instance. (NB: this might differ from state so check out your state’s regulations.) After a certain amount of time, they can hand over to your GP but there is loads of red tape and paperwork. ADHD medications are S8 medications: highly, highly restricted, monitored and controlled. (No one wants to see them on the black market.) You’ll also have to do a drug screen and other preliminary health screens.
  2. You might prefer to get a referral to an ADHD diagnostic psychologist. There are pros and cons to this. I went straight to a psychiatrist but I think if you went with a psychologist they would be able to spend a lot more time with you talking it through and coaching you on how to understand ADHD and manage it. I think my psychiatrist is wonderful but they definitely don’t have as much time as psychologists do. You might also choose this path first if you are unable or unwilling to take medication. But if you do want the medication, your psychologist will likely have to hand you over to a psychiatrist anyway.
  3. There are long waitlists for ADHD psychiatrists (I was on a waitlist for about seven months and I’ve heard reports of up to two years) and the assessments are expensive. You can ask to go through the public system but the wait times will vary and of course you will need to have access to the hospital (which is pretty tricky if you live in remote areas). Sadly, many people who want and need a diagnosis are unable to get it and the resultant medication and help they need because they cannot afford the fees or don’t have access to the specialists.
  4. You won’t just see the psychiatrist once or twice. They are the specialists in brain medication and they are going to want to monitor you for a long time to make sure you’re on the right type and dose. (That’s a good thing.) My husband had a pretty straight forward experience with medication (he tried it, it worked, happy days) but my journey has been more turbulent. When my meds are in balance, I simply cannot believe I’ve managed to live this long without them, and I can’t believe this is what other (non-ADHD) people feel like all the time. (Lucky ducks!) But I am still working through it all to find the perfect combination of treatment. Sometimes, that can be rough. For some people, it just takes longer to get the right balance.

My Tips for an ADHD Diagnosis Pathway

  • Because those of us who don’t look ‘typically ADHD’ probably don’t know what ADHD looks like outside of the stereotypical, we might not know how to respond during assessments. (I did ZERO prior reading or research and turned up completely ‘cold’. I don’t think that’s a good strategy.) Prior to my diagnosis, if you had asked me ‘Are you impulsive?’ I would have said no because in my head impulsivity looked like shoplifting, or eating a whole cheesecake (okay, there might have been shades of that in there), or the boys who fling things around in the classroom, or who jump off a bridge into the river below without first checking for hazards. But then my diagnostician asked me if I’d ever impulsively gotten a tattoo … and I burst out laughing. Also, there is a long history of starting jobs, quitting jobs, starting businesses, dropping businesses, burning bridges … and literally every animal in our home was an impulse decision on the spot with no prior thought.
  • Another example of this misalignment between the ADHD assessment questions and my lived experience was about hyperactivity. Did I relate to hyperactivity? I would have said no. But then, I didn’t realise that hyperactivity doesn’t always look like that kid in the classroom who can’t sit still or be quiet. Hyperactivity can be internalised. That can mean: the mind that won’t stop racing, the endless rumination and rehashing of conversations past, the constant second guessing, the lifelong teeth grinding, the fact that I can’t sit through a whole movie, or that there is always some part of me that is twitching, or the lifelong insomnia. (Please, GPs… I have asked for help for lifelong sleep disorders more times than I can count (sleep disorders since a kid in primary school) and no one ever thought to think, hm… maybe this is something else… rather than telling me to try some chamomile tea, do some progressive muscle relaxation and hand me some medication). Anyway… if you are struggling with the assessment questions, I encourage you to ask for help to understand.
  • A really important tip! I am paraphrasing Glennon Doyle here (because I can’t find the exact quote online). She gives this very sage advice: When you make an appointment with your psychiatrist it’s usually because you know you need help. So you make the appointment and then you have to wait. And during that time you feel better again, so when you get to the appointment and they ask you how you are, you say, all good, thanks! What we need to do it WRITE DOWN how we feel and TAKE THE NOTES to the appointment. In the two weeks prior to my ADHD assessment, I simply wrote down everything I was struggling with. As in, specifically that things that caused me woe each day. (Like, I got out of the car one day, on a hill, and FORGOT to put the car in Park and didn’t put the brake on… and so the car rolled backwards down the hill and nearly over the edge of the mountain, and was only saved by one brave gumtree that stopped it. I’m not even kidding. (Like, HOW can you drive a car for almost 30 years and forget to do this?!?! Um, ADHD, as it turns out.) I had no idea if what I wrote down had anything to do with ADHD but I thought, hey, I’m seeing a psychiatrist, at the very least it would be great to chat about this and see what else it could be. I am so glad I wrote it all down. I saw two assessors and as soon as I started reading out some of the things on my list, the first one was nodding with understanding and could explain exactly why that was happening (as in, literally what was happening in my brain) and IT WAS ADHD. So, Glennon Doyle, if you ever stumble on this post, THANK YOU. I would never had remembered what had been a struggle for me without your advice. (Also, I love you and your books. Please keep writing forever.)
  • Lastly, if you go and see your GP and ask about ADHD and they dismiss you on the spot because you ‘don’t seem ADHD’ or because ‘you have a job and a family’ or ‘you managed to get here on time with clean clothes’, please get up, walk out that door and FIND ANOTHER doctor. Okay? Far too many doctors dismiss people on the spot for arbitrary reasons. Talking to you for 10 minutes IS NOT AN ASSESSMENT. That is an opinion and possibly an ill-informed, outdated one. (Please note, I have some fabulous GPs. There are good ones out there.)

Okay, I hope this post has been helpful. For me, my advice is that if you think you might be ADHD, do not ignore that. (Did you read the bit about my car?!) It could save your life. I know it’s a long process: it’s worth it. I know it’s expensive (but so are panel beaters).

Jo x

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Juggling Motherhood with Being a Writer: You CAN do it!

The final proofed pages of my latest novel, on their way back to my publisher, complete with Random Toddler Attack
The final proofed pages of my latest novel, on their way back to my publisher, complete with Random Toddler Attack

Top Ten Tips for Being a Mama and Getting Your Writing Done!

I see so many interviews out there where a female writer is asked how she manages to write while also being a mother. And I’m not saying it hasn’t happened, but I’m yet to see or hear the same question asked of a male writer. Now, I could pose a lot of theories of why that is the case, but since it is a topic that doesn’t seem to go away, I thought I’d put my two cents in as well.

Firstly, I want to be very clear in that I don’t think there is any difference between a working mother/writer and a mother who is also working as a teacher, nurse, psychologist, chemical engineer, astronaut, television host or cleaner. Right? It’s all a job or career and so we’re all faced with the same challenges. In fact, the ADVANTAGE of being a working writer and mother is that your time is infinitely MORE flexible. (That can also be a double-edged sword, but see below for that.)

So like all working mothers, working writers have to make choices about what is right for them and their career, their time, their family and their children. Nannies, daycare and grandparents are all considered, perhaps working part-time to allow for some sort of ‘balance’. Or, you might like to work full-time with full-time childcare. In my own case, we battled on with (expensive) in-home nannies for the first two years after our son was born (I got my literary agent five weeks after he was born… yikes!), and then he showed us he was ready to go to daycare two days a week. My dad and stepmother (luckily) adore him and they have him with them another day a week. So that gives me three days a week dedicated to writing. This works for all of us right now.

Before I had a child, I could write whenever I wanted to, for the most part. Now, I have to do it on my ‘working’ days. It’s not always easy but, again, any other job is the same. Some days we don’t want to go, right? But if you don’t show up, you don’t get paid. Sometimes I will work at night or on weekends, and every now and then I throw in a weekend away for a writing retreat to get some intensive uninterrupted time with my novel.

The tough stuff for me is when things happen on days that aren’t ‘writing days’: stuff like interviews, photo shoots, interstate travel, publicity events and commitments etc. Then the juggling does get tricky and this takes some whole family commitment to changing timetables and so on. And of course, often those other commitments DO happen on ‘writing days’ (because it is impossible to do a photo shoot with a toddler in his “Hulk” phase testing out his power by upending furniture), so that means that no writing actually happens and that puts pressure on the word count targets.

But I wouldn’t change any of it because I think I have the best job in the world for me.

I do know that the big pressures come when you are as-yet unpublished and are trying to work out how to work, and raise children, AND write a book. That’s tough. But still do-able. It takes a lot of compassion for yourself and belief in your need to write, as well as some creative thinking and support from your family. And it’s okay to ask for help, ya know?

Some tips:

  1. If you can, take back some time by hiring a cleaner to come for a few hours a week and spend every minute of that time writing. And if you have mama guilt about that, USE it to fuel your word count goal to prove to yourself how useful and productive you’re being. (As an aside, I don’t actually subscribe to this sort of fear-based motivation, but if you need to use it in the short term to get yourself moving then by all means DO IT!)
  2. If you can write in ten-minute or thirty-minutes snatches of time, I bow at your feet! If, like me, you’re not really like that, try to find at least ONE HOUR at a time (many writers do it at 4.30am or 9.30pm) and write like a demon for sixty minutes. Better yet, maybe it’s even more valuable to negotiate one whole weekend every month or two and just delve down deep into your book. You might get more done in that time than you would in six months of half-hour snatches.
  3. Writing brings with it incredible flexibility in terms of the time of day you can write and where you can write. This is awesome. Use that flexibility…
  4. …BUT! Be warned. This type of flexibility also means that when the child is sick and can’t go to daycare, when the car needs to go to the mechanic, when the plumber needs to come to the house etc. etc., it will likely be YOU that is asked to give up your writing time to deal with the domestic need. And, often, this happens because ‘your job’ isn’t ‘earning any money’ at that time while your partner’s job is. Oh, the mama guilt that goes with that! And look, the reality is that you do need to keep money coming into the house, right? But just be very aware of this trap. Learn to set boundaries and be patient with yourself as you learn to protect them and learn to claw back that time that you lost with the plumber on another day. Learn to negotiate. It can be tough; I get it. (Even now, as a published author whose income contributes considerably to our household, I still find it difficult.) But you need to do it.
  5. Work while disconnected. I use Freedom, a cheap, neat little program that BLOCKS THE INTERNET on my computer while I’m writing. What a difference it makes! We are too distracted and too distractible. If you’re on limited writing time than for goodness’ sake, suck the marrow out of every minute you have.
  6. Remember that you can plan a lot in your head while you’re playing with train sets and play dough. You can THINK about your book at any minute of the day.
  7. I think having a child actually makes me a better writer. It focuses my attention and time and forces me to move through procrastination and blocks much faster than I would do if I didn’t have the time ticking down to when I had to leave to pick him up from daycare. He is pure imagination and play and makes me laugh all the time and provides an incredible wealth of new experiences, emotions, ideas and material for books. And I swear that reading children’s books makes me a better writer. This is all valuable stuff for your career.
  8. Working on hard copy (writing by hand, or editing on paper) is much easier to do when you’ve got little people around than carrying your laptop around or locking yourself away in a room. Your supervision is still good, the little person won’t try and take over your laptop, you can hand over paper and pens so that you can ‘work together’, and the cup of juice that gets spilt won’t ruin your notebook like it will your laptop. You can always type up words later when you’re tired and don’t actually need too many brain cells simply to read and type, rather than create.
  9. Fatigue can be a problem. Oh boy, I get this. You need to train.
  10. Finally, it all comes down to this. If you want it enough, you’ll make it work. You can do it. You can. You absolutely can. You MORE than can. You can…. I promise.

Happy writing!