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Jo, Take Off Your Pants

The other day Rachel Bailey looked at me and said, ‘Jo, take off your pants.’

And to be honest, I was having the kind of week where I barely batted an eyelid at that.

This post is AN ALMIGHTY CELEBRATION OF My WRITING COMMUNITY (the importance of which is the very FIRST THING I teach all my writing students in all my classes.) You see, Rachel is not only a wildly clever, witty and talented writer, but the woman I refer to as “the godmother of writers on the Sunshine Coast”, and one of the best human beings you will find on the planet… which brings me to the marshmallows.

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You see, I had just rocked up to Rachel’s house (with very little notice) in a bit of a ‘state’. And as I emerged from the car—thirsty, hungry, incoherently exhausted, and carrying a bag of cat litter half my size, I discovered that I also had a marshmallow smeared and stuck to my bum. How? Why?!?! No idea. But stuck it was, clinging to my jeans (and the car seat) like a cranky old barnacle.

Rachel calmly ushered me inside and said, ‘Jo, take off your pants and give them to me.’ She then fetched me some lovely soft corduroy pants to cover my blindly white legs while I greeted my feline fur babies (Rachel’s their ‘bonus mum’) and plied me with tea, fed me biscuits and let me pick her PhD-laden brains about writing techniques, all while she took to my marshmallow-ed pants with the enthusiasm and tenacity of an 18th-century washer woman who would not be defeated.

The majority of the people in my life today are here via books/writing and it’s a precious, beautiful, expansive gift. And, you, Rachel Bailey, mean so much to SO many humans and animals, and I am so glad (and LUCKY) that you found me floating around on the Sunshine Coast as a fledgling author so many years ago and brought me into your nest, and continue to, even when I arrive dragging in my sticky, marshmallow-ed arse (and then repay you by accidentally stealing your phone and taking 3 hours to work out that the photo of Bobby dog is not on my screen due to photo rotations but because it’s not MY phone at all!) Here’s to you, you enormous, shiny ball of light!

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The Wonderful World of Clark

Inspired by Belinda Alexandra’s new non-fiction book, The Divine Feline: a chick lady’s guide to woman’s best friend (which is next month’s book club read), I tried to count all the cats I’ve lived with in my life, since early childhood, but my memory gave out at 20. Of those 20, however, I can confidently say that our current black-and-white boy, Clark, is by far the most amiable lad I’ve ever encountered.

We met Clark when he was three years old, two years ago at the local shelter in one of their cat enclosure spaces. He was in his own cage, one of many in that building. To put it bluntly, he started yelling at us the moment we walked in the door. ‘Oh, isn’t he a talkative one.’ We put fingers through the bars and he sniffed and rubbed up against us, talking to us the whole time. We continued around the hub of cages, seeing who we might connect with, and Clark followed us in every direction as far as his confines would allow him and did not stop calling to us. He was determined that our attention would not go anywhere else and eventually his persistence won us over.

While signing the paperwork at the counter, the volunteer told me she didn’t like cats, which I thought was rather alarming, given she worked at a rescue organisation where fifty per cent of her clientele would be felines, and when she bustled into the cat enclosure to catch Clark, it was clear she lacked cat communication etiquette and he immediately jumped to the highest point of his cage to get away from her and refused to come down. ‘Would you like me to have a go?’ I offered, hopefully tactfully. She was most relieved to step out of the way. I squeezed myself inside, looked up into Clark’s eyes, patted the bench below me and invited him to come down. He didn’t hesitate. He was absolutely convinced we were the best option coming his way and he made haste to get himself out of there, quick smart.

From the moment Clark arrived, he was at home. He leapt out of the carry box into the bedroom, looked around for a few moments, then started batting at a piece of fluff on the floor. When it was time to introduce him face-to-face with the other cats, he waited politely for them to approach him, and when the first feline hissed at him, he simply lay down calmly and waited for his natural charisma to win them over, which it did. Lacking even the slightest twinge of any kind of aggression, competition or jealousy, Clark is everyone’s best friend. Even the cats that don’t like other cats, like Clark. He is frequently to be found entwined in cuddles on bed tops, or robustly grooming another cat. In fact, his love of washing his friends is so intense that he recently landed in hospital with a severe fur ball because he not only washes himself but the other cats too, ingesting many times the fur he should.

Clark is one of those cats that seems to live in ‘another realm’, one only he can see but which he enjoys immensely. He continues to talk and it’s not uncommon to find him sitting in an empty room, chatting away to himself… or invisible friends. He isn’t a cat that enjoys being picked up but does love to be patted, to be involved in whatever we’re doing and enjoys a good belly rub. Our cats love Christmas time and Clark’s particular love is for tinsel and wrapping paper. He is also an avid fan of Lego and will happily ‘play’ Lego with our son and then eventually pick up the pieces and carry them around the house (and unfortunately try to eat them). When our son was smaller and loved Thomas the Tank Engine, Clark was enamoured with the motorised trains and would follow them around the tracks, patting at them gently with his paws. He plays ‘chasey’ with our small dog but has maintained a sensible degree of wariness for Sunshine, our golden retriever who is still an enormous and boisterous puppy who quite likes to ‘love squash’ cats. For Clark, every day is a new opportunity to find friends and fun. He will never be the alpha cat and he lacks confidence, yet he is the relentless ‘best friend’, the all-important sidekick. His quiet, unwavering companionship and loyalty manages to win him the ‘people’s choice’ award without even trying. If Froddo needed a best friend to follow him into the hell mouth of a volcano, Clark would be first to put up his paw.

He truly is the most delightful, loving, generous soul I have ever met in a feline… or in a human either, for that matter. He will give up his food, his space, his bed and his time for others. Our lives are so much richer for having his funny, eccentric self in our family.

If you love cats, or want to know more about cats, and would like to join our book club chat with Belinda Alexandra, you can register here. (Book club is 7.30pm, Tuesday 19th January 2021.) I would love to hear about the cats in your life too. We hope to see you there!

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Vale, Bucket, the Biggest Bucket of Love We’ve Known

Image-15These posts are never easy to write, but I need to write them. Although our animal’s lives cannot ever be adequately summarised, I still feel the need to write each pet’s eulogy, to try just a tiny bit, to honour what they gave us in life, and to honour the grief we feel. This one is for our cat Bucket, who passed away last week from a swift and aggressive illness, the cause of which heartbreakingly remains unknown. The unanswered questions about his death–and I have many–haunt me, but this piece is not about Bucket’s death, but his wonderful life.

Bucket was named such because from the moment I picked him up–a skinny, horribly flea-infested, unwanted kitten that was being all but given away on a cold morning in Kingaroy (his price was a mere $3) he proved himself to be the biggest bucket of love I’ve ever met in a cat. He was one of three, all brothers, and my hubby and I were torn as to whether to take one kitten or all three. We started by picking up each one, to get a vibe. The first one struggled to be put down, so we put him down. The second one pushed us away, so we let him go. The third one practically crawled up our arms and clung on for dear life. Take me home, right now! So we did. I took him to the bedroom and closed the door and sat down in the corner of the room to give him some space to investigate his new home. He didn’t want space, though, he wanted me. He climbed right back into my lap and made no efforts to leave.

Being utterly infested with fleas, I had to go to the local vet to see what to do. At his tender age, the only thing I could do was give him a medicated bath. He didn’t like that one bit, and I had to do it multiple times before all those awful fleas were gone, but finally he was relieved of them. We lived in a rural location at the time, on six acres, surrounded by other acreages. We already had another cat (Jasmine), two dogs, and three horses. He was my first kitten in ten years and I had forgotten how absolutely delightful kittens were. Pure joy. (Except for the amount of times he climbed up my legs! I wore nothing but jeans for a year to protect myself.)

Bucket’s first love was cuddling, but he didn’t just receive hugs, he actively hugged back.

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His second love was mischief. At these times, our ‘bucket of love’ became a ‘bucket of trouble’. He loved the dogs, love being very much a verb, an action. He would sneak up behind them and grab onto their tails, swinging off them in a rollicking jaunt while they ran around trying to dislodge him. He would come out to the lawn with us while we threw tennis balls for the retrievers. He raced them down the hill and always got to the ball first, but as he couldn’t pick it up in his mouth, he let them pick it up and then he raced them back up the hill, where we got the ball back and threw it again and the game would start anew. When he was still less than a year old, my stepmother visited us with her poodle puppy, and Bucket and Cocoa spent an hour chasing each other up and down the hallway before locking onto each other, somersaulting over one another, wrestling enthusiastically until they both collapsed, panting with exhaustion and happiness.

These days, all our cats are one hundred per cent indoor cats, but back when Bucket was younger, he got some time to range outside on the property during the day. We started to rethink this idea when two days in a row he discovered a baby hare, killed it and brought it back into the house, happily devouring its intestines. Not long after that, our third cat Sapphy, a stray who walked in off the street not long after Bucket arrived, was bitten by a brown snake and spent a week in hospital, and we closed the door to outdoor excursions.

Because we have so many animals, it’s difficult for us to go away, but on the odd occasion it’s happened, we’ve had to have house sitters come to look after our furry family, and everyone reported that Bucket struggled with our absence the most. He was a cat who needed his cuddles.

He was a generous soul, and over his life with us he accepted into the home two more dogs, four more cats and a human baby with maturity and grace. He was one of those magnanimous animals, with love to spare for all. He was our biggest cat (part Manx, was always my suspicion)–very long from nose to tail, a hefty seven kilos at his peak, a ball of muscle beneath all that soft fur, the kind of cat you could sling over your shoulder, fireman style–with a huge heart inside.

For ten years, he was our most loving, affectionate, cuddly boy, a ginormous bucket of love. He’s gone too soon and we miss him terribly, but we know we were so blessed to have had him in our home and life. I am proud to say he had a good life, a really good one. He gave joy and he received it and I know he knew he was loved hard till the very end.

His ashes will be back soon, and he will go in the garden next to Daisy, his most favourite canine friend.

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Why Taylor Swift and Benjamin Button Are Inspiration for Us All

Taylor Swift recently adopted a homeless kitten while on set filming her new clip for Me! and it has us purring with delight. Firstly, let’s talk about the adorable kitten, now called Benjamin Button, who is melting the internet with his gorgeousness.

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Check out those eyes!!

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It’s no secret we love cats, with numerous rescues in our family, and we also love Taylor, so this news made us extra happy. Also, Benjamin is an inspiration. What an amazing symbol of hope he is.

Here he was a homeless kitten, a potentially bleak future. His first stroke of good luck came when he ended up in the hands of a rescue organisation. But then he found himself on the film set with one of the most influential, wealthy and kind-hearted women on the planet. And in her words, “…he looks at me like, ‘You’re my mum, and we’re going to live together.’ I fell in love… He literally looked at me like, ‘Adopt me please.’ And I was like, ‘Okay I’m going to do that.”

We too have had that moment of locking eyes with a cat and knowing our fates lay together. Sometimes stuff really does happen for a reason.

Bravo to Benjamin, whose future could well have included starvation, accidents, violence or euthanasia, but instead (in true cat style) decided that that life wasn’t for him, that his situation in life had nothing to do with his self-worth, that he deserved better, and that hey, he might as well aim for not just any home but possibly the best possible cat home on the planet.

And brava to Taylor Swift for listening to inner voice that said she and this little guy were meant for each other. Now that’s a love story we can get onboard with.